Deck This Hall, Bitch.
Why is it that we lack more and more spirit during the holidays as we get older and older?
One widely understood reason is that cynicism settles in. We know this is the time of year when retailers go to drastic measures to convince us that money is no object when it comes to purchasing that hi-tech, digital doodad or ginormous boxed set of goodies. We see through the capitalist charades. However, we still enjoy the those holiday blends at our local coffeehouses and buy a shiny tin of it knowing the contents will be stale and uninteresting come January 1. We can’t help but feel a little tingle inside when we see baristas slip on those snowflake-covered sleeves onto our steaming cups of caffiene. Why does December need to be the only time of giving? Why not spread the cheer evenly throughout the year? ‘Tis the season? There should be no season, just everyday. But this is how we do it in our American corporate-driven culture. God bless us for thinking about our fellow man for only a few days out of a few hundred.
Another reason is depression. Having all of those happy messages pounded into our brains only reminds us of the shitty goings-on in our gloomy lives. Songs about sun-challenged snowmen and colorful ornaments can ironically have the opposite effect on most of us. A candy cane from my office Secret Santa? Thanks, I’ll sharpen it into a stake and pierce my cold heart by the watercooler.
And don’t get me started on those Salvation Army bell ringers. Doesn’t Miss Beg-for-Change know I’ve donated to charities during the past year? Why do I have to drop in some dollars now when I’ve already raised money for the AIDS Walk back in October and bought those God-awful chocolate bars to support a 10-year-old leukemia patient?
I also love it when I see greeting signs aimed to please all walks of religion and creed. No longer can you wish the public a Merry Christmas. Every base needs to be covered. It’s so PC, it makes me want to regurgitate the gingerbread man I ate for dessert last night.
Whatever.
Remember: You only have 6 more shopping days ’til Holiday (thanks Amy Poehler).
